their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
