Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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