Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
