I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
