I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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