Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
