I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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