Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
