Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
