We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
