...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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