There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
