On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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