I hate your face
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
