New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
