that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
