life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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