my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
