I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
