No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
