evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
