I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
