im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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