Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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