You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
