One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
