the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
