Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
