hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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