I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You should frame my arrest warrant.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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