Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
