So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
