shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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