Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
