My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
