This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
