No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
