; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
