turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
