I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
