If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
