If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
