i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
When are your genitals available?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
