Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
