glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I didn't notice because vodka
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
