weddingsv make me drug and hornr
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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