In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
