i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
