Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
