So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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