How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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