the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
